WOMEN WOULD YOU PROPOSE TO A MAN? MEN WOULD YOU WANT A WOMAN TO PROPOSE TO YOU?


Few weeks ago, one of my favorite relationship bloggers –  Tin got in touch saying she was writing a piece about women proposing and would like my perspective as a man on the topic. Check out our views on the topic…

Tinz’s view

I know I know it’s the 21st century, what may not have been the norm a few years ago is now the norm. However in regards to a woman proposing to a man my views are very much old school/traditional let’s say and I am sure I am not alone.

Let me be honest, I give absolute props and admiration to women that propose to men, because I certainly wouldn’t have the balls to do so. This shows so many attributes, confidence being one of the ones that stand out, which I would commend her for. It also shows us that she will go for what she wants despite what society makes us believe is to be expected and the stereotypes that exist.

The media definitely plays a significant role in shaping our views on this topic. We are constantly shown images and videos of a man proposing to a woman. Engagement rings that are constantly advertised are very gender specific and aimed for women. Of course a woman proposing to a man does not occur as frequently as a man proposing to a woman. However it does happen and scenarios such as this should be portrayed.

Personally I cannot picture myself taking the steps to propose to my man, of course I can never say never but it’s very very unlikely I should say. I have imagined and pictured from a young age how amazing a proposal would be and it has never involved me being the one that’s asking for a partners hand in marriage.

As women the majority of us strive for equality and rightly so, but I do believe in some aspects of life there are some roles a man should take and some a woman should take. For me I would like my man to initiate this and take the lead in this aspect of moving our relationship forward.

This is just my personal opinion and preference; however I am a strong believer that as individuals we should do what we want to do regardless of what is considered to be the right way. Who decides what is the right way anyway? The answer is it comes down to you, the final decision lies in your hands. Don’t base your actions on the opinions of others, if you want to make your boyfriend your fiancé then go for it.

I am a woman so I cannot put myself in a man shoes, so I teamed up with my fellow relationship blogger friend Josh for this one so I could get a male perspective on this topic .

My view

When Tin told me about this topic, my immediate question was – Why would you as a woman even feel the need to propose to your man?

I get the man and women are equals and if can man can propose, the woman should be able to do the same if she wants. That being said, being equal doesn’t mean we are the same.

One of the differences is our ego. We men have a special relationship with our ego and a lot of time we make decisions based on how it stimulates our ego. I’m not saying you cannot or should not propose to your man, but you saying yes to us would do more for our ego, which affects how we see and appreciate you than us saying yes to you.

Also we are leaders by nature and like to take control as well as influence. I’m yet to meet a man that would like to get married but he’s waiting for his woman to propose first. if a man wants to marry you, he would ask you and if we are not asking, it’s normally for at least one of 3 reasons:

– We do not want to marry you (or anybody else)

– We are not yet sure if being married to you would be good for us

– We are not yet ready to get married because we cannot guarantee that level of commitment or we’re still chasing other things.

So why would you even want to propose to someone that’s not in a state to get married to you?

I have found that some women just want to believe what’s in their head, regardless of what’s staring them in the face. No MAN is too shy or scared to ask for what he really wants, so don’t feel the need to take the initiative on our behalf. Also if you are going to take the lead, you have taken what makes us feel like men, so don’t be surprised when you end up with a boy, and you have to take the lead on everything – money, bills, kids, school etc.

I can imagine how frustrating it can be for a woman waiting on her partner whilst factoring age and her close friends getting married. However if we have a good thing, I’d rather her ask me about my intentions than her proposing to me. When I proposed to my wife, that worm I had in my stomach when I asked her parents, bought the ring, getting down on one knee and hearing her say yes was priceless. It felt like I won the lottery and it could not have been the same if she had proposed to me. I probably would have laughed and thought it was a prank.

Thanks so much for reading. We would love to hear your thoughts on this, so please feel free to share your thoughts below or at joshlovetalk@gmail.com

SHOULD OUR RELATIONSHIP GOALS BE BASED ON WHAT WE SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA?


 

Hey everyone, hope you’re well. Sorry it’s been a while but I’m back with another post, this time about relationship goals on social media.

With the increasing effect of social media, I see a lot of people obsessing over couples’ video clips and pictures online – describing them as ‘goals’. Seeing so many #RelationshipGoals in my Instagram feed brought about the question for me – Should we be setting our relationship aspirations based on beautiful pictures and video clips we see on social media?

Personally I feel it is fine to draw inspiration from other people’s relationships. The problem is when we base our idea of what a relationship should be on what looks good in a picture or video.

We all like to look good in front of others and social media has become the place to do this. Lots of people are using online platform to create the lifestyle they want people to believe they are living. So believing that every couple’s picture or video clips you see online is the ideal can lead to having unrealistic expectations and comparisons.Read More »

THE 21ST CENTURY GUIDE TO DATING


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Hi all, hope you are well and having a lovely week. I’m back with another post, this time teaming up with UK Blog Awards finalist – Debrae to discuss why dating sometimes goes wrong. Debrae would offer reasons as to why women may mess up during the dating process, whilst I would serve as the voice for men.

Debrae Says

Ladies, have you been left wondering why you haven’t had any success with dating as of late?  Below, I will expand on a few reasons why this could be. You may want to jot down these pointers…

  •  Expecting too much, too soon

As women, let’s be honest. We are usually driven by emotion and at times we can let our feelings get the best of us. A man can simply glance in our direction and we’re already planning the perfect wedding. When dating a potential partner, it is important to acknowledge the keyword; potential. Some women are stressed at the fact that homeboy hasn’t introduced her to friends and family after the second date. I would advise you to remember that you are in the beginning stages of what could turn into something serious. As difficult as it may be, try not to get carried away, it is perfectly normal if he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend after a few dates. Some people believe in love at first sight and may know exactly who it is they wish to be with instantly whilst it may take others longer to come to this decision. Enjoy dating for what it is initially; a process.

  •  Dating for the wrong reasons 

I don’t know about you guys but when I go on a date and I am not attracted to the man in any way, it shows. My lack of enthusiasm and interest will definitely communicate that message to him. Some women go on dates for free food or simply date out of boredom/loneliness. When a woman is desperate for a boyfriend, believe it or not, men can sense this which will turn him off or worse, he will use this to his advantage and try his luck as he knows you will tolerate anything just to bag a title. Pretty soon, the guy will pick up on the fact that he has become your personal chauffeur/ bank and may put an end to things. No one likes being used.

  •  Giving too much, too soon

This generation encourages women to do the most for men that are not their husbands, talk less of being in an official relationship. Nothing has been cemented between the both of you but here you are playing Polly the housewife, paying for his phone bill, cooking for him on demand and of course giving him that good good. All this without any commitment. Why would he feel the need to put a title on anything when everything is coming his way, with no hassle and no questions. For now.

Regardless of how new age society paints it, giving too much to a guy too soon, leaves no room for the thrill of a chase. It gives them nothing to work for.

  •  Not making expectations clear from the start

When two people start dating, it is important that both parties are clear on what they expect. This is because one person may be looking for a serious relationship after dating for a while, at the same time, the other person may simply be out for a bit of ‘fun’. By stating what they expect from the beginning, feelings are less likely to get hurt and both parties can make informed decisions on whether or not they would like to continue seeing each other.

  •  Having unrealistic benchmarks

With the rising impact of social media, it is becoming increasingly common for couples and people in general to compare their lives to what they see online. When dating, individuals try to imitate what they see on Instagram or are left disappointed as their expectations do not live up to what is seen across online platforms. It is important to appreciate the efforts your potential partner puts in. So don’t feel offended if your date doesn’t book you a table at the Shard accompanied by a quartet playing a beautiful melody with 500 roses beneath your feet. After all, you are just getting to know each other.

Josh says

Fellas, here are some of the things I feel are getting in our way of successfully dating and progressing our date into the relationship phase…

  • Inconsistency in our words and actions

As men, expressing how we feel is not particularly our strongest point. Nevertheless, there should be consistency and correlation between our words and action, so the woman is assured of our feelings and where things stand between both of you. Don’t tell her you’re on it, then go ghost on her for few days without reason, and pop back up when you feel like it, trying to continue things like you never left. As much as you don’t want to come across too eager, you also don’t want to keep her second guessing how serious you are about her.

  • Lack of confidence

It is common knowledge that confidence is an attractive feature; so it is important that as a man, you carry yourself in a way that says you are comfortable in your own skin. An act of confidence is when a man takes control of the dating situation; expressing yourself and letting your true character show forth.

  • Bringing sex in prematurely

I feel women know the deal when it comes to men and sex. However, this does not mean they are alright with making them feel like a grab and smash job. They still want to feel wanted and cared for, that you are actually interested in them beyond their ‘box’. So asking for nudes after a few WhatsApp messages, or talking about ‘when you coming to mine’ before even taking her out for a date can be a turn-off and lead to your number being blocked

  • Inability to listen and pay attention

Getting to know the other person and progress a dating situation would require consistent communication. The ability to listen and pay attention is integral to this. We men, tend to develop short attention spans when women go into topics that are not pertaining to our interest – Makeup, choosing between a nude and red shoe to go with a black dress, amongst other things. Although these (to us) are trivial issues, they hold high importance to women, and listening not only helps us to better understand her personality but also shows that we care and are interested in who she is.

  • Trying too hard to impress

It’s in a man’s nature to try to impress a woman who he’s attracted to. That said, some guys go overboard and create perceptions that are not true. Trying too hard to impress a woman can be off-putting; whether that is embellishing your financial status or trying to be something you’re not because you think that’s what she wants. It is always better to be yourself and find someone who wants you for you.

  • Our Ego

We all have egos but as men, sometimes we can get bogged down with feeding our egos to the extent that we lose the essence of dating. Guys who don’t have their ego under control expect everything to work in their favour and according to their plans. When it doesn’t, all peace and harmony is lost. This hinders the other person from freely expressing themselves and also makes you look like a control freak, which is rarely deemed attractive.

From us to you…

Josh – I must say from a man’s perspective I completely agree with Debrae’s points, particularly the point of ‘giving too much too soon’. As men, our ego will not allow us to settle for a woman that we consider ‘easy’. We take pride in putting in work and earning not what we are given freely but what we work for. So if you’re dating and he’s not putting in work to win your heart, chances are you’re probably ‘easy’ or he’s just not interested.

Debrae – From the points made by Josh, it’s refreshing to see that there are men out there that ‘get it‘. I definitely agree with the point of ‘bringing in sex prematurely‘ in addition to ‘trying too hard to impress‘.  No matter how good-looking a man is, it’s an immediate turn-off when they start making sexual references so early. As for the famous phrase ‘so, when are you coming to mine?’,  Josh didn’t lie. It’s an instant block 🙂

More importantly, I admire when a guy can be himself, not feeling the need to show off or draw attention to his accolades excessively. A quiet confidence is always good.

Finally, dating can be a great experience. Enjoy the process!

Thanks for reading and please feel free to share your thoughts or questions below

 

 

 

WHY DO WE STAY IN BAD RELATIONSHIPS UNTIL WE ARE BROKEN?


 

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Last week, #HurtBae was trending on Twitter. It was an emotional short video about this guy confessing to his girlfriend that he had been cheating on her. I was sad to see this poor girl crying her eyes out to a man who had blatantly disrespected her –  through his lack of remorse he shows that he does not care about her and would like to call time on their relationship. I can’t imagine the pain she’d had to go through but it was evident that their relationship had been toxic for a while and although she was emotionally broken, she clearly still loves the guy.

I empathize with her situation, as I have been in a toxic relationship and know how difficult things can be. I was once in relationship where I was not appreciated and my feelings were not regarded. At the peak of things, I could not completely be myself, treading carefully as though walking on eggshells. I gave her all of me, she was in control of my mood and dictated the tone of the relationship. It was emotionally tiring to say the least. The question to ask is why do we stay and endure toxic situations/ relationships until we are broken and emotionally drained? Why don’t we just walk away?Read More »

DO MEN REALLY CARE ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY?


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Valentine’s Day is only few days away and conventionally we men are expected to deliver something special to express our affections for our ladies. Recently I have come across numerous blog posts centered on how men can be more romantic and make their women feel special.

The other day at work, a group of us were talking and the question of what everyone was doing for Valentine’s Day came up. The general consensus was it was an overrated experience but for the sake of our respective partners, it is worth putting something together to show that we care. One colleague even said he was only going to order in some take away and watch a movie with his wife.

I don’t think the issue is us not knowing what to do or how to express ourselves, I feel it’s more of a question of whether we care enough about the day.

Surely the occasion should be about the woman and not the day?

Read More »

IF YOUR PARTNER CHEATED ON YOU, WOULD YOU STAY?


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Cheating is one of the most common reasons for relationship breakups. It goes without saying that being cheated on hurts especially when you love and have invested so much in your partner.

I was once cheated on, and writing this blog reminded me of how much it messed with my emotions. Although my ego would not let me admit it at the time but I felt so insecure within myself; I questioned the way I looked, my personality and confidence. It even affected my perception of love and relationships.

So should being cheated on spell the end for a relationship or should you try to work things out?Read More »

Why good women still get treated badly…


 

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Too many times, women wonder why it is that even when a man has a seemingly good woman; one that’s beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, and treats him like a king, he still under appreciates and disrespect her.

Why?

I’m going to let you in on a man’s thought process here. From my observation it is usually one or both of 2 reasons:Read More »