A Wife Is Not Just A Woman…


Let me seize this opportunity to say Happy 2013 as well as share something with the women that are ready or thinking about settling down.

1st January  turned out to be a significant and exciting day in more ways than one. A particular highlight was witnessing a close friend whom I can refer to as a sister being proposed to by her 1 year boyfriend who also happens to be a close friend of mine; it was a joy to behold such beautiful gesture as it had a `wow factor’ about it.

With what initially started out as a simple vote of thanks and appreciation for his girlfriend, he held her hands and gazed into her eyes… As he stared, the window of his eyes opened and you could see through to his heart, the overflow of love therein poured out unrehearsed words through his mouth sending chills to everyone present in the room. It was the subtlety of his words, the passion and sincerity in his tone that got the 20 – 25 onlookers on their feet. Everybody gathered around them as she blushed and a massive smile drew across her face spelling I must be the luckiest girl in the world.

After a beautifully professing his love for her and showering her with compliments that melted many hearts, he brought out a white diamond ring; the whole room erupted, greeting the moment with rapturous clapping, noises of shock and excitement…  ‘Oh my Gosh’ subsequently rung across the room with everyone reaching for their phones to capture something that seemed like a scene in ‘The Notebook’ movie. The ring sparkled as camera flashes filled the room, a simple gathering turned out to be a movie premiere, only if a red carpet had been present. Sitting calmly in the corner of the room were her proud parents looking on with satisfaction and joy made obvious with the grin on their faces. The height of romance drew tears of joy that uncontrollably flowed down the eyes of females who desired similar fate.

On his knee with his eyes fixed on her, he gently asked her hand in marriage… she was speechless and who could blame her, she probably thought it was a dream. She accepted his proposal and got him off his knee by planting a kiss on his lips. What a start to the New Year.

After the romantic moment had passed, the females present prayed that their moment will soon come, and rightly so… what woman would not want to be swept off her feet and be proposed to in such romantic manner. Well it’s possible; the two factors that can make it possible are 1) YOU and 2) TIME

YOU – During the proposal, just before he went down on his knee, he described his woman in a word that caught my attention – ‘Virtuous’ making reference to the bible passage Proverbs 31:10 – 31 which describes the attributes of a virtuous woman. For those of you who do not read or have relations with the bible, here are some lines from that chapter:

–          ‘A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.’

–          ‘ She opens her mouth in skilful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction]’

–          ‘Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!’

Every woman who desires a serious relationship should have a mental image of the type of man that befits her so you can build a character and attitude that attracts such individual – If you desire the best of men, you must work hard to be the best of women, this way you lay a solid foundation for a happy and lasting relationship as you will be mentally and emotionally compatible with your partner. Great relationships are not born, they are made by two people determined to be the best they can be for their partners.

Nowadays many women desire marriage because of the glamour – the proposal, the ring, the wedding, the big white dress which is not a bad thing however you have to be mentally and emotionally prepared otherwise the good you desire will later turn to bitterness. Being a wife goes beyond a sparkling ring on your finger; it’s based on being strong, being emotionally and mentally matured and having positive characters tailored fit to that specific man. Characters are habits consistently developed and executed over a long period of time, starting to build the character of a wife only once you’re in a relationship might be too late because character takes time to build and even longer to break out of.

One major problem is many women are concerned with being in a relationship, so more time is invested in looks and outward appearances whilst the retainer which is having the character of a virtuous woman is left on a back burner, I guess the idea is once I find him, I will change. NO! because once beauty fades, and it will, it’s your character that sustains the relationship and if you are not ‘virtuous’, you might experience a turbulent relationship.

Some might even think along the lines of ‘I am a good person, so I should make a good wife’ No… You can be a good person and not necessarily a good wife because being a good person is tailored to everyone you come in contact with but being a good wife is a character specifically purposed for the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. It requires listening, pays attention to his needs, and taking time to study his wants, likes and dislikes so you can live together in harmony. It is essential to have developed this mentality whilst you are single, so when you find the man who deserves the character you’ve built, you tailor fit your character to him, this will eventually make your marriage enjoyable and lasting. Lack of character or right mentality lead many to treat potential husbands like boyfriends and boyfriends like potential husbands, hence why some ‘good people’ end up with wrong partners.

So instead of spending valuable time whining about being single or drowning in self-pity as to why no one has swept you off your feet yet, I’d advise that you to invest the time wisely; building a strong character that will make you irresistible and unique when that man arrives, that one day he will go down on his knee and call you ‘virtuous’.  For those already in a relationship, if you have not already, start building the character of a wife… it might be challenging as old habits are hard to change but with determination and persistence it can happen. And if you know you are ready to be a wife and have built the character and mentality to match, but still waiting for that man then point 2…

TIME – Cheap things are common and sought after by the majority whilst expensive things are sought after by few. Once you build the character of a wife, the truth is you become a rare asset and subsequently expensive; designed for few who will appreciate your worth and treat you like a queen. You will notice that many men will walk into your life, browse and leave… this is normal so do not be alarmed, they simply cannot live with your standard and mentality

You do not need to compromise your mentality or standards to attract the man of your dreams, all you need is patience. Being hasty will cause you to choose wrongly, it is better to be single than be in love with the wrong person or worst still marry the wrong person. So wait, continue to develop yourself inwards and outwards and in time the man who is confident about what he wants and willing to pay the price will walk through your door and your life will be like a movie – Just be prepared.

Dedicated to Ayobami Davies & Opeyemi Mogbeyi.

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