Cheating is one of the most common reasons for relationship breakups. It goes without saying that being cheated on hurts especially when you love and have invested so much in your partner.
I was once cheated on, and writing this blog reminded me of how much it messed with my emotions. Although my ego would not let me admit it at the time but I felt so insecure within myself; I questioned the way I looked, my personality and confidence. It even affected my perception of love and relationships.
So should being cheated on spell the end for a relationship or should you try to work things out?
When I ask people ‘What would you do if your partner cheated on you?’, I find that people who have made emotional, physical or financial investments despite the pain they feel say they would probably forgive and try to work things out. I guess it’s that feeling of when you’ve put so much into something, walking away in the face of an obstacle feels like giving up, and as human we’ve been taught all our lives not to give up. Some people do not agree with this and have a zero tolerance principle toward cheating.
Personally I don’t think it’s always that black and white. Although there is no valid reason for cheating, but depending on the circumstances, the decision to leave or stay can be a really tough to make. In my experience, what I found most annoying was that despite all the anger and wave of emotions I was feeling, there was this small distinctive voice that was playing the devil’s advocate in my head. This is the voice that reminds you of how much you’ve invested and the beautiful memories you’ve both shared. Even though your friends are telling you to move on, this voice convinces you the right thing to do is give another chance and this is the reason some people, after calling their partner all the names under the sun and vow to their friends that it’s definitely over, they somehow end back up in that relationship.
So should you stay or leave? Whilst I’m a believer of giving second chances, ultimately I think it depends on whether you’re able to get over the incident.
I feel to even know whether it is worth staying or leaving the relationship, you should spend some time away from your partner. You’ll be faced with the battle of your will against your heart, which can be extremely torturing. So it’s good to be around families and true friends that you can have a good time with and open up to (preferably open minded people with relationship experiences). This would create a much needed distraction as well as the thinking space to evaluate and assess things.
Yes! Your partner will be blowing off your phone, trying to apologise and win you back (Ps. If they are not, then they are clearly not interested). It would be very tempting to brush everything under the carpet and just carry on like nothing happened but I wouldn’t advice it. Take your time, don’t be put under pressure by your partner’s grovelling or your friends’ opinion on what’s right or wrong for you. Your emotional and mental wellbeing should be priority.
I found that at this point time became my best companion. Time allowed me to see if it was worth going back and most importantly, it helped me heal and gained my strength back.
Whether you decide to go back and work things out or not, let time heal you, otherwise you will either go back into that relationship an insecure nutcase, get into another relationship with the paranoia of being cheated on or stay single because you see every would-be partner as a cheat.
Hope you enjoyed reading or at least got some form of thought out of this.