The other day at work, I sparked an interesting conversation asking my colleagues who they feel should pay on the first date. I got more than I bargained for with some of the opinions that came out.
Feels it’s wrong to go on a date expecting the man to pay, she would rather go half’s on the bill. This way she does not feel in debt to the man and he does not feel entitled to sexual privileges. She has her own money and can pay her own way.
Claims he’s old school and thinks the man should always pay on the first date. That said, he expect the woman to at least offer some contribution towards the bill. If she doesn’t, he’ll still pay but the chance of a second date is slim because he’d have the impression that she came on the date with the assumption that it’s his responsibility to pay the bill and that’s not right.
Thinks the man should always pay on the first date. She feels a man paying on the first date shows that he’s thoughtful and able to take care of a lady, which to her is endearing. She would bring along her own money to avoid any awkward situation and happy to go half’s if necessary but there probably won’t be a second date on the cards.
Feel it should depend on ‘Ratings’. Basically he would rate his date on a scale of 1 – 10, 10 being most beautiful, and would only pay if she’s a 6 and above. If she’s a 5 or less, chances are he won’t be seeing her again so he’s unbothered about how she feels about going half’s.
I feel the man should pay for the first date because as men, it is healthy for our ego and it leaves a good impression that can be built on.
I agree with Liz, one of the reasons I always paid for first dates was to show that I am man enough right from the start. Not in an arrogant way, but in a way that says that I’m able to show you a good time at the same time take care of you. It’s not saying you as a woman cannot care for yourself, it’s more that when we men find a woman attractive, it is natural for us to take the lead and want to make her feel like a queen. On a first date, paying for the bill is one way to show this, and it is our way of showing interest.
Also I see the man paying as just a gentlemanly thing to do. It is no different from holding the door for a woman to walk through or pulling out a chair for her to sit, it is a nice touch and I’m yet to meet a woman who is too independent to appreciate nice gestures.
Should the woman at least offer to contribute to the bill? In my opinion – Absolutely. Most men would see you as independent and that you hold yourself in high regards, which is a good standard to set.
I appreciate Bianca’s point, and it’s cool that she would come on the date with that mind set. That said, it is possible that if as a woman you insist on paying your share of the bill, some men would assume lack of interest – I know I would. It’s an ego thing! Same way a man would come across as a d*** if he’s arrogant or feels entitled because he’s paying for the date. I always say – let me get this one and if you’re happy to do this again, you can get the next one. That tends to work and bag me a second date.
There’s more to a date than who pays, but I think it is still important for the woman to let the man show he is into you, and a man that’s into you gives in totality both his time and money. I would even go as far as saying that more times than not, if a man allows you to go half’s on the first date, he’s probably not that into you.
I would love to hear your first date experiences, please comment below or get in touch anonymously on the ‘contact me’ page.
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