I have noticed that the word ‘Argue’ is one a lot of people try to avoid when talking about their relationships. I guess that’s because it sounds like their relationship is in crisis. I happen to talk to a lot of people about relationships and I’ve heard people say they never argue with their partners, they only have disagreements. I guess it’s about perspectives and how people want their relationships to come across.
I feel that from time to time arguments occur in every relationship, it is the complexion and frequency that differs. I have been around couples who look like they never argue but on hearing their stories, it is amazing what they go through behind closed doors. That’s the thing about relationships, people tend to only talk about the highlights, rarely telling the full story.To answer the question, for the most part I do feel arguments are a natural part of relationships because it happens as a result of differences. Regardless who we meet and how compatible we are with them, there would always be some extent of difference, whether that’s difference in culture, religion, ethics or perspectives and it is those differences that often lead to arguments.
My wife and I have been through phases in our relationship where we argued over both big and petty things. It was a rocky time for our relationship but looking back now, it was also part of the process of getting to know each other on a deeper level and more importantly how we’ve learnt the art of working together despite our differences, something I feel is vital for every relationship
I have my reservations on couples who try to avoid arguments at the expense of being true to themselves and their opinions. Surely after some time, the relationship would start to feel like a prison sentence. Something I’ve learnt in the short time of being married is that arguing by itself is not the problem, it’s more about how couples manage their differences as well as having the maturity to argue to end any ill feelings as soon as possible without making the relationship toxic. Easier said than done but it can be developed, for me I had to learn the hard way.
I feel the most effective way to manage differences is acceptance. A mistake I made early in my relationship was trying to change things I didn’t ‘like about my wife’, really it was just what she does differently that I didn’t agree with. The more I tried, the more we argued and the worse the relationship got. It took me a while but once I learnt to accept our differences, the frequency of argument significantly reduced and our differences started complimenting each other. It certainly made us a better team.
The thing about differences is that it can be quite tricky because it only starts becoming obvious after the newness of the relationship has worn off. If you are struggling to work out your differences then that would definitely be a red flag for the relationship.
Where I feel arguments can be a sign of a failing relationship is when it makes the relationship toxic and provokes any type of abuse or it’s used as a tool to manipulate.
It is important to learn to end your argument quickly so you can get back to being happy and working together. I have lost so much quality time being angry and giving my wife the silent treatment just to prove a point. It makes everything worse and increases tension in the relationship. Eventually it feels like I’m bottling anger for no reason and she still has no clue what she’s done wrong so nothing is achieved. It’s a lot easier talking through situations, compromising and finding a way for move forward, because at the end of the day it is not about who is right or wrong, but rather about perfecting the art of working together as a team through both good and challenging times.
Thanks for reading. I would love to get your views on the topic. Is arguing a natural part of relationships or sign of a failing relationship? Please comment below.