Valentine’s Day is only few days away and conventionally we men are expected to deliver something special to express our affections for our ladies. Recently I have come across numerous blog posts centered on how men can be more romantic and make their women feel special.

The other day at work, a group of us were talking and the question of what everyone was doing for Valentine’s Day came up. The general consensus was it was an overrated experience but for the sake of our respective partners, it is worth putting something together to show that we care. One colleague even said he was only going to order in some take away and watch a movie with his wife.

I don’t think the issue is us not knowing what to do or how to express ourselves, I feel it’s more of a question of whether we care enough about the day.

Surely the occasion should be about the woman and not the day?

Read More »




Cheating is one of the most common reasons for relationship breakups. It goes without saying that being cheated on hurts especially when you love and have invested so much in your partner.

I was once cheated on, and writing this blog reminded me of how much it messed with my emotions. Although my ego would not let me admit it at the time but I felt so insecure within myself; I questioned the way I looked, my personality and confidence. It even affected my perception of love and relationships.

So should being cheated on spell the end for a relationship or should you try to work things out?Read More »

Why good women still get treated badly…



Too many times, women wonder why it is that even when a man has a seemingly good woman; one that’s beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, and treats him like a king, he still under appreciates and disrespect her.


I’m going to let you in on a man’s thought process here. From my observation it is usually one or both of 2 reasons:Read More »

Finding Your Right Partner

Recently, a single female friend was telling me why she has given up on dating. It turns out for whatsoever reason she keeps picking the wrong guys; they all look promising at first, but after some time things fall apart. Now she’s done with having her hopes dashed so she’s no longer interested in dating unless it is the right person.

The conversation played on my mind for some time and I asked myself, how can we tell if a total stranger would be Mr/ Mrs Right? Truth is that you don’t, well not at first anyways.

Looking at my relationship journey as well as that of some married couples I know, I figured there are stages you can go through and at each stage it should become clearer if who you’re dealing with is Mr/ Mrs Right or Wrong

So that these stages are easy to digest, I’ll liken it to the process of filling in a job vacancy.

Stage 1: Selection for interview

This initial stage is where various potentials are assessed; some relevant, others not so much. You should already know what you are looking for; what you can compromise on and your absolute nots.

This stage sets the tone for the rest of the process so it’s important to make some good judgements. Attraction is certainly a selecting tool here, but unless you’re a psychic there no way of telling someone will be right for you simply based on outlook. So don’t be too quick to move to the next level because the hottie you’ve been eyeing eventually approaches you.

Try to gain some substance beyond outlook, see how he/she approaches a conversation, observant and listen carefully to what they have to say then assess accordingly.

Another selecting tool is referrals – introduction by a mutual friend, most married couples I know were introduced by a mutual friend.

 Stage 2: The Interview

This is the ‘Getting to know/ seeing each other’ stage, and it’s ideally a combination of telephone (speaking, not texting) and face-to-face (dates, not booty call). This stage is about gaining as much insight about your selection as possible to see if they fit what you are looking for. Your job here is to ask lots of questions, listen intently and be observant.

The key things I feel should be taken out of this stage are:

  • What are they looking for – Does this match what you want or would you have to settle? Are they in a right mental and emotional state to give you what you are looking for?
  • What value can they add value to you – What are their life and relationship goals? What are their beliefs? What are they passionate about? Can their character inspire yours?
  • How trustworthy and reliable are they – Observe the consistency or inconsistencies in their behavioural patterns, how do they respond to your questions? Are they open and honest in their approach?
  • What is the chemistry like – What are your conversations like; can you spend hours talking to them or you get bored in 10 minutes? Do you feel connected or are you just going through the motion? In what ways are you compatible and do you share similar interests. Do they make time to spend and talk to you?
  • Their history – What was their past relationship like? Why did they break up?

I’ll say take your time on this stage, until you have are confident that your selection is competent enough to meet your standards. That said it should not take forever, if they are not completely satisfied or you have major doubts, do not settle and certainly don’t go offering benefits because your ‘feelings’ tells you ‘You Only Live Once’. You can give them more time or cut your losses and consider other selections to interview.

Stage 3: Job Offer

This is the stage you both mutually agree to be in an exclusive relationship. However it’s still early days so don’t get carried away just yet. It is possible some snakes may have slipped through the cracks in the interview stage. This is why you should put in the ‘Probation Period’.

The Probation Period is about observing their competence and character to know how they’ll actually perform in their new role and how it correlates with what they showed at the interview stage.

This is not the time to drop all your guards and begin giving full benefits; maintain your standards, set your boundaries and stick to them, this will earn you respect and increase your worth in their eyes. You may have to do some coaching to bring them up to speed with how you operate, and this will bring up differences and some disagreements but it is all part of the process. Even through the disagreements, the fundamentals should still be present – good communication, trustworthiness, openness, chemistry, life and relationship goal.

When you feel it’s time, evaluate their performance and proceed accordingly. Ideally both of you should both be operating beyond just attractions and start seeing each other more as close friends.

The mistake I’ve seen and heard many people make with this process is getting caught up in their feelings, and as a result give away too much too soon. When this happens, they lose leverage and end up chasing a worth that’s rightfully theirs to salvage the situation. It’s best to take your time at each stage and let them prove they are actually interested in you.

I would not say this process is foolproof, but I do feel it certainly stack the odds in your favour in knowing whether someone is right or wrong for you.


A Better You, A Better Relationship…


The quality of any relationship is determined by the quality of the people in it. So it’s not good enough to just desire a good relationship, you have to firstly increase your quality as a person then take time to choose someone who compliments you. The following are my 4 essentials to work on and improve prior to getting in a relationship

Learn to love yourself

The search for love or to be loved has caused many emotional traumas; causing them to compromise their principles, self-respect and self-esteem in hope that they receive love in return. Unfortunately this is not always the case; I’ve come to realise that the love we receive from others is the love we’ve allowed to be acceptable over a period of time. The turning point is to empower yourself by taking the time to love you, so you become the prize as oppose to the possession that’s picked and dropped at will.

The beauty about loving yourself is that you do not have to accept the value and standards others place on you; you get to define your own values, your own standards and terms. Defining your own values and standards will cause people who only want you on their own terms to walk away from you. They will take away their ‘love’ and attention which can sometimes cause you to feel lonely and think about comprising yourself. This is why some keep going back to the same no-good exes, and settling for mediocre relationships.  The way out is to start loving you more, because the more you love yourself, the lower your tolerance for other people’s B.S.

Furthermore, it is difficult to love someone else if you have not mastered the art of loving yourself. The good book talks about loving your neighbour as yourself; in other words, the maximum capacity at which you love yourself is how much you can love another. Love is for givers; is it possible to give another something you do not have?

The art of self-love starts with:

  • Spending time to understand and embracing who you are including your flaws
  • speaking positively about yourself
  • Spending time with people who highlights your strength and help you better your weaknesses
  • Doing things that make you happy

Master being single:

To be single is to be emotionally and mentally whole, unattached and available; many relationships have started off on the wrong foot because one or both partners are still attached to something or someone from their past. These relationships are likely to have issues of insecurity and lack of trust and could be in trouble if the underlying problem is unresolved.

Before getting into a relationship, do a self-check on your emotional status. Are you still hoping for a future with your past, still emotionally tied to a situation or ex or are you still hurting over a previous breakup(s)? If your answer to this sort of questions is yes, then you are not ready to commit to another person as you will only be bringing baggage from your past that will ruin a new relationship.

To become single, I would suggest the following steps:

  • Consciously decide to FORGIVE whoever’s hurt you and forgive yourself (that part is often missed out
  • LET GO; leave past emotions or feelings in the past.
  • Create an environment for you to heal (delete pictures, block insta/FB/Snapchat profiles) and let TIME do its work because healing takes time.

You should also check the emotional status of your would be man/woman. Do not assume because he/she gives you their attention and time; phone calls, going out for drinks and dinner means they are emotionally available to be in a relationship with you. Ask questions about their exes, past relationships, causes of breakups, their present emotional state and what they invest most of their time in; it might seem awkward asking but it might also save a lot of heartache in the future.

Master investing in yourself:

People will place value on you based on your past, dressing, skin colour, body shape etc. However it is on you to define and make clear your self-worth and values, but how do you know your self-worth if you haven’t spent time investing in you? People who have not invested in themselves and do not know their worth have no choice but to accept the values placed on them, which would make them open to manipulation.

Investing in yourself is building up the quality of your inner-person and letting your outlook compliment what’s within. In this age, the focus is mainly on being attractive; so it’s about makeup, fit bodies, bum lifts, tight and revealing clothes etc, and using social media as a means for validation. Being attractive can win you lots of attention however it’s the quality of your inner-person that determines whether you’re a keeper or someone’s idea of fun.

You can increase your self-worth by

  • Watch, read or listen to motivational/ inspiring materials that will help build your character
  • Keep company with people who have values you desire
  • Be ambitious; set goals for yourself and your career

Master the art of communication:

Communication is the fuel that drives every relationship, if you want to know how well a relationship is doing, study how the partners communicate. 3 key areas to pay close attention to have a fruitful relationship;

  • Openness: If you are serious about getting into and maintaining a committed relationship, you need to be an open book your partner can read; you should be able to share anything and everything with your partner, from financial status to password to phones, emails and social media accounts. You should be comfortable to talk about your feelings at any given time; it might cause you to feel vulnerable but you will be rewarded with trust, security and subsequently a good flow of chemistry in your relationship.
  • Listening: When someone makes themselves vulnerable by being open, there nothing more discouraging than not feeling heard! Listening is being attentive to the words and feelings of who’s speaking; it’s saying to them, you can trust me with your feelings and it’s ok to be you with me. Something I personally dislike is when sharing my feelings and the listening starts going off talking about themselves. Listening is a selfless act; it’s about taking off your own shoes to understand what walking in another person’s shoes feel like. Effective listening encourages people to be comfortable and trust you, forming the basis for them to be open with you.
  • Response: If you have not listened effectively, your response or lack of it is highly likely to frustrate the person who’s spoken to you and can cause them to close up. Have you ever spoken to someone and after hearing their response, you become reluctant to share your feelings with them again? Such is the power of response. Be sensitive; let your response both in body language and words reflect the feelings of who’s spoken to you. It shows you’ve paid attention and understood their feelings, in return they feel more valued and will continue to open up to you.

These points are not so you become self-obsessed and get selfish in your relationship. They are essentials that will make you an asset within your relationships and increase the quality of your relationships.

Thanks for reading, please feel free to leave your comments below.

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Is He Really Into You…?

A common issue faced by single women is meeting seemingly nice good looking guys you talk for a while but somehow everything fizzles out. Although there are diverse contributors to this dilemma but a key one is establishing the kind of guy you’re dealing with.

Let me bring it to the consciousness that as a single female ready for a relationship, you’re open to different types of men, whom for the sake of this writing I’ll refer to as ‘shoppers’. As a lady you represent a shop, in these shop are your products i.e. outward appearance as well as personality. There are mainly 4 types of shoppers, which includes:

The Window Shopper: The guy is essentially an actor; he gives the impression of a buyer  acts like  he wants what you are selling but he knows he’s not buying. He says all the right things, and makes all the right moves –The window shopper will try on things and make you believe is buying convincing you that he’s interested but once things starts getting serious, or at the point of commitment, he backs out – ‘I thought we were just having a good time’, ‘I am not ready for anything serious’, these are common with the Window Shopper. Any investment you make on the Window Shopper is likely to yield 0 returns.

The Casual Shopper: The casual shopper is a fun type of guy, who would buying from you but not only from you, he buys from different shops as well. With the casual shopper, you have lots of competition; which can make you feel special because it’s your turn to get the attention that other females yearn for but at same time you are constantly finding where you stand. The Casual shopper doesn’t have a specific thing he’s looking for; he’s likely to buy if the products are desirable to him simply because he can afford to.

The bargain hunter: This is the guy you would really like to buy from you and he catches on to that really quickly.  He does not mind buying but only on the basis that you change your standards to suit him. He is the controlling sort of character, he demands a lot from you but unwilling to give much back. If you refuse to change your standards to suit him, he disappears into thin air.

The Buyer: This is the guy that knows specifically what he’s looking for. You know him by the passion and enthusiasm through which he speaks about his needs. He might go to different shops but he’s always in search for the same things. If the product he wants is unavailable, he’ll leave for the next store to find exactly same thing. He won’t go looking in places he knows he will not find what he’s looking for, and when he find her, it’s a wrap… the search is over!

As only a shopper really knows his motives for entering a shop, you can say the same for a man. So because a man talks to you, takes you out on a date, says sweet things, does sweet things does not mean he wants to be your man; he might just be looking around, his missus is out of town, he needs some new sex, some new mind to manipulate or he might actually be looking to settle down.

The interesting thing about these ‘shoppers’ is you cannot tell who they really are by their looks or appearance and being a ‘shop owner’ it is natural to give attention to prospective buyers because you don’t know who your ‘buyer’ is. It is only at the point of commitment you know who’s who. Many a times, once a female get a glimpse of their preconceived man, they start to invest into a non-existing relationship – I believe this is where many females are missing it; making a man your man before he asks to be your man, the end result of this can be quite fatal.

It is your responsibility as a woman to know your self-worth, separating your standards (needs) from your desires (wants). The problem today is many females have a fixed cost on their desires but their standard are negotiable; this sits well with a good number of men because working to constantly meet a certain level of standards requires focus, commitments and hard work.

Also it’s worth noting that because a ‘buyer’ enters your shop does not mean he will buy from you. Not necessarily because there’s anything wrong with you but it could be you’re not who or what he needs. So don’t go changing who you are, going against your principles to suit him… you will for a long time be looking over your shoulders. If he’s not buying into you and what you are selling, then let him walk, your own buyer will come in due time.

Feel free to comment below.

Thanks for reading






Why hasn’t he popped the question…???


Is it just me… or everyone seems to be getting married? There’s not a week that goes by on my Instagram news feed without seeing congratulatory wedding/ marriage messages #weddingflow, #engaged, #Weturntupforwedding #happymarriedlife etc. Whilst I do congratulate those that have found their life partners and wish them a happy and blissful marriage, I thought I’d put something together for the ladies whether single or in a relationship who believe  they also are ready for that big step but  simply waiting to be asked the big question.

See I believe there are 4 phases we men fall into that ties closely into why we have not yet popped the question. The phases are: The Explorer, The Waiter, The Hustler and The Man. As a woman, understanding these phases, and which one a man fits into might help figure out how long you might have to wait, or if he’s at all worth waiting

The Explorer – The Explorer also known as the ‘fun guy’ is the man who believes there is still a lot more he needs to experience in life, and the concept s of marriage would be an hindrance. The Explorer is generally a ladies man, and people are drawn to him. He’s smooth, lavish and ultra-romantic but also unfaithful, impatient and evasive. Sex is very high on his list of ‘needs’, and that is the winning prize

His main weapon is his tongue – sugar coated, full of flattery, lies and deceit, always full of compliments, jovial and very funny which would make him seem like the ideal type to marry. But be careful, accepting a ring from The Explorer will make a beautiful wedding but a miserable marriage filled with tears and lonely nights. The best way to avoid The Explorer is to build a relationship based on friendship, as opposed to just attraction and emotions.

The Waiter – The waiter is the man ready to commit to marriage but either waiting for something in his relationship to get right or waiting for something better to come along. You might say, why wait, why not just leave? The Waiter is generally a faithful and patient individual, very cautious and requires things in order before he proceeds. He will not take a decision until he’s absolutely certain within himself.

‘The Waiter’ has certain expectations, which you’re clearly not yet meeting but due to his patience, he will give you enough time to get it right. If after many attempts, his needs are still not met, he will emotionally withdraw from you and start waiting or looking for someone better to come along. He might break off the relationship or still with you out of comfort and familiarity but you’ll not get 100% from him. You can always tell because you’ll notice the spark leave the relationship.

A key thing with ‘The Waiter’ is to assess whether their expectations are realistic for you, as they are good life partners with whom you get security and love. If you find you cannot meet their expectations, simply break off the relationship – if he’s for you, he will find his way back, this time as ‘The Man’.

The Hustler – The hustler is the man who is predominantly focused on his career and making money. His strengths are also his weaknesses… he is a determined, faithful and focused individual but mainly to his career and you’ll play second fiddle until his ambitions are achieved.

Being in a relationship with ‘The Hustler’ can be quite tedious, you will never have his full attention or presence, yet he expects your consistent understanding and support. The Hustler tend not to do relationships because they understand they do not have the time required to sustain one. Accepting a ring from ‘The Hustler’ is almost as bad as the explorer, a beautiful wedding, lots of money but many lonely nights.

The Man – The man is the one who loves you and believes you’re everything to him, you have made enough effect in his life that he realizes the emptiness or void there’d be if you were to leave. He’s your man 100%, he’s not looking for anything more but you. He understands the role of a man in marriage – A leader, protector, provider and lover.

He’s working hard to be competent in that role, so he is equipped well enough to be a good husband and eventually a good father. The only thing you can do is be patient, share his vision and encourage him to become the man he needs to be.

These phases are not necessarily permanent and therefore subject to change over time. Ideally it would be nice to have ‘The Man’, but life and love isn’t always ideal; truth is for one reason or the other you can find yourself with a man in any of these phases, the good thing is you reserve the right to decide for yourself what you’re willing to accept and for how long. The key thing is to base your relationship on friendship; let him know your expectations and ambitions.

Do not get blinded by the glitz and glam of wedding ceremonies; it’s a one day event, after which you have ahead of you the reality of the path you have chosen. Marriage is a life-time commitment; if pushed or compelled any man can buy a ring, propose and give you a wedding, but that wouldn’t necessarily make them a good life partner. So pay attention to securing a man that has heart for you and only you, focus on making ‘The Man’ the man he needs to be and when the time is right, without compelling or fuss you will get your ring and most importantly a happy marriage.